Dear Fucking Bitch from Sales,

Dear Fucking Bitch from Sales,

Hi, it's Paul Dyer from the REIN department. I just wanted to let you know that those dirty looks you constantly give me every time I see you have not gone unnoticed. I wanted to write this letter to address the most recent episode of your mean mugging. I'm only going to say this once, if I catch you shooting me one more glare I'm going to fucking lose it. I know that some people may think I'm overreacting (receptionist) but I'm not. One more grill and I'll burn this fucking place to the ground. Just because you're a huge, ogreish, mega-bitch does not mean that you can waddle around this office doing what you please. If I had it my way, I'd staple your tongue to the microwave before cooking my Hot Pockets lunch, you fat bitch. I have no idea what I did to you but apparently I've offended your obese ass in some way, shape, or form. Just because you can't see your own feet or because it's probably a chore to wipe your huge ass does not grant you immunity to be an ice grilling whore. For 17 months I've sat idly by while you shoot me death stares as you enter and exit the kitchen 30 times a day, but no more. One more dirty look, and it's fucking on. This is not a threat, it is a warning. I do not want to go to war with you Bitch from Sales but, like Kevin Garnett, I've got my guns ready. That's a metaphor, not a threat on you life. Although I'm sure no one would miss your hideous, gargantuan figure anyway. I have an idea, instead of being a total fucking punta all the time, how about you go do some fucking sit ups? Huh? You fucking miserable piece of shit. Next time I even think that you're giving me the evil eye, I'm going to hit you in the face with a brick. Now, we work at the same company and we should be professional. Cross me one more time and I'll cut your fucking brakes. Oh, and by the way, you're a fat ugly bitch. That is all. Don't fucking look at me anymore.

Sincerely you piece of shit,
Paul Dyer


P.S. -You tell anyone I wrote you this and I'll fucking kill you. That's a threat. Die slow you fat cow